The lost art of conversation: How disconnecting from screens can improve our relationships
Learn how to better your relationships
Think about how many times you've been conversing with someone, and every two seconds, they're picking up their phone, checking their Apple watch, or seeming uninterested because something else in their life is much more pressing than the conversation you two are having.
Now, think about the feeling you have when leaving that conversation. Do you ask yourself, "Did this person even care about what I said?" "Why did I waste time talking to this person?"or "Do they remember anything I said?"
The reality is that these types of conversations are becoming too common, and as a society, we need to maintain our ability to connect on an interpersonal level. The root cause of this is that rectangle that buzzes in your pocket.
I recently read two books: One by Jonathan Haidt called "The Anxious Generation" and am currently reading "The Good Life" by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz. I found some key details from these readings on improving our society and why enhancing in-person interaction is crucial.
Why does in-person communication matter?
In a Ted Talk that I recently watched, Robert Waldinger, the director of a 78-year Harvard study that's tracked the lives of 724 men, highlights that the most significant contributor to people living happy lives is their relationships with those around them. It's not how much money they've made, how much they work out, or how fulfilling their job is.
Robert continues to point out that one way to improve relationships is to put away our screens. This means transitioning from a Zoom meeting to an in-person meeting or making the trip to visit your client rather than just connecting over the phone to see how they're doing. No form of communication is better at creating positive relationships than in-person, face-to-face conversations with someone.
2 simple tips to better your relationships
1. Designate specific time for in-person connection
I would be naive to say we should put our phones away for the entire day, but we should set time every day to put our phones down and focus on connecting with the people around us. Jonathan Haidt suggests you should put your phone down before you go to bed and again in the morning; you should not immediately check your phone when you wake up.
Sharing a meal with someone offers a unique opportunity to connect with the person across the table. Treat each meal as a sacred moment in your day—a chance to disconnect from the constant distractions of your phone and the outside world. Instead of splitting your attention, fully invest it in the people you're with. Whether grabbing a quick lunch with a coworker, sharing breakfast with roommates, or meeting a prospective client for a business dinner, consider leaving your phone behind or setting it to "Do Not Disturb" to remain fully present and undistracted.
2. Practice makes permanent
Yes, we can all put our phones away, but how can we get better at talking in person? Many people get anxious when placed in a new situation where they don't know the people around them. They're scared to talk to people because they never practice socializing with random people around them every day. Instead, they turn to their phones and consume themselves in their world, their smartphones.
So how can we get better? It starts with getting used to talking with new people. Christine Clarridge, a well-known journalist for Axios in Seattle, highlights that there is silence in an elevator: "38,499,999 hours per day". An elevator is the perfect time to improve your interpersonal skills with new people. It starts with asking what floor you can press for your new friend, and off you go.
An elevator doesn't have to be the only place to converse with someone new. You could start a conversation with the person sitting next to you on your commute to work, or before a meeting or class starts, you can tilt your head up from your computer screen and get to know the person sitting next to you. Regardless of the scenario, talking to the person beside you significantly outweighs the benefit of sitting in silence or looking at your phone.
As Muhammed Ali once said, "Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." So go out into the world, put away your phone, and take pride in having meaningful conversations with your current friends and colleagues, or find a new friend with whom you can have a meaningful relationship.
I’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts, ideas, or questions in the comments below and join the conversation.
Meet Nate
Nate Henden is currently a senior at the University of Wisconsin-Madison double majoring in Marketing and Management and getting a certificate in Sports Communication. He is on track to graduate from the University of Wisconsin in May of 2025. At school, he works for the Wisconsin Athletic Departments as a play-by-play and color commentator for Big Ten Plus (Big Ten Networks Streaming Service). This past summer, Nate interned for NBCUniversal at the Paris Olympics as a Hospitality Guide Intern.
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